Every couple of years I learn a new bizarre fact of my childhood. To illustrate the scale of strangeness I'll tell you that finding out that I was not my mom's first born after 20 years of thinking so was "eh, wattaya-gonna-do?" I wasn't phased in in the least. One may have been forced at that point to recontemplate ones biological or existential existence but not me, I know better by now. However, this next bit of information is enough to make anyone question the sanctity of life itself.
I was breastfed my multiple moms.
As some of you know, my early years of ghetto-granola upbringing by a 20 year old mom was experimental at best.
Some hippie moms of that age mixed drugs and sex, my mom mixed whole grains and boobs. Apparently my mom's
friends would sit around in a circle, talk recipes, jesus, natural hair care and breast milk. I imagine the precise moment when
one mom ran dry and another sitting next to her with much larger, let's call them tanks, said "oh, let me take over, I have plenty, my little moonbeam is a light eater". Oh my god. How many different breasts did I siphon from. Is that even sanitary?
The most alarming part of all this is the nonchalantness in which my mom gradually breaks the news to me.
I wouldn't be surprised if the next installment was something like "your real father is a coffee cup".
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5 comments:
Brother I laugh out of the humor in your writing. "siphon", word!
In Brazil it was very common in times of slavery for slaves to breastfeed the slaveowner's children. Surely this is entirely different, but not so physically.
Anyway, are these breasts?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/randomaaron/1010845598/
Yeah, I picked random images from an an old envelope of cut paper for a piece I made a few months ago. They were in it but collaged in with like 100 other white pieces, so they were not immediately
bossomy. If you like the humorous childhood stories, just wait until I write about the "Happy Pee-Pee" song.
let's call them tanks? i love it. do you breast fee now? are you a boob guy?
It's true, it's true, all true.
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